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Be FIerce Friday - Make Yourself Happy

 

At 30 years old I have realized that what really matters is my happiness. All my life I struggled with fitting it, trying to feel important, wanting people to like me.

I remember saying how much I didn't care if someone liked me but deep down inside I wondered why...Was I soo different? Was I that ugly? Was it becouse I didn't have what you had? Was I that cruel?

I guess I was always a little different. A little confused and never particularly had my head on straight. Or maybe because my outer shell was built so tough that I hardly let anyone in. 

I naturally had shut people out. It was my safety net. In order to avoid being hurt, I caved into myself. Negativity was always the name of the game.

I always think back with confusion

I really just wanted to make my staple in the world! No one ever wants to be forgotten.
I wanted everything I never had and damn-it I was ready to work for it! And I did! I worked and worked to strive for a better something! Focusing only on my work...

I wanted to prove everyone wrong! Prove that I was not going to amount to nothing! That my life despite the negative shit around me, I was going to stand tall and rain on their parade.

--However what I did not realize was how fast time flies. How fast life just happens and before you know it, everything changes

Married with 3 kids by the age of 26...Yah that's me! 

Have I amounted to anything I dreamt of ???

No not really
 
I wont sugar coat it. I have done nothing!
I have nothing super cool to show for the 30 years on this earth or a mark to leave behind besides my kids; But I do still have my dreams and my hopes!

I would imagine that I am not a total failure if I died tomorrow. I have about 40 college credits under my belt. Worked a couple really cool jobs here and there. Learned a whole bunch about running a business, wines, makeup and basketball ;)

My mind is still boggled with ideas and adventures! I still stay awake at night always thinking of my life plans..I have some really great things I could do in my life with the resources I have managed to pull in the last 12 years.

Only,, 
That my plans, my adventures are focused differently! I am not here to please you...I am doing it to please myself.

Of-course I'd hope to gain some satisfaction in smothering someone's face in my thriving lifestyle lol but I am so enriched and consumed with my own life that at this point that I really really don't care...And I actually mean it this time!

Love Me or Hate Me is my motto...Because truthfully I love myself!
And you know what, I realize that making myself happy first, is the exact thing I need to fully live!
I am Happy! and I will rain on your parade with my happiness ;) I have a life filled with love, opportunities and friends I may never had had in any other life!
 
#BeFierceFriday: LESSON:
JUST DONT WASTE YOUR TIME on shit that don't matter. Life happens and there will be setbacks ...good or bad... but that does not mean you have to stop dreaming.
Pleasing everyone else and keeping up with the joneses serves no purpose. It is only when you stop trying so hard that life will work out for you!
 
 


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