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What Being a Stay At Home Mom Has Taught Me

You depend on your kids as much as they depend on you
Sounds crazy right? Like how can a grown-ass woman depend on her kids that much? I will tell you.

Your kids depend on you for their life. Food, Shelter, Health, basically every detail that keeps life afloat. But in the midst of the demand and the supply that you are providing. You are silently demanding and supplying yourself a life of consistent deep personal fulfillment. Let me explain....

It may be hard at first to get used to how you may no longer have freedom like you once had, you soon appreciate it!

You don't always wanna have plans or go to that party or bake those stupid fundraiser cupcakes. You don't really wanna go to the gym or go for a walk for that matter.

You don't wanna watch another one of the other kids damn baseball games, that they lose every time. You don't wanna walk them off at school in the morning nevertheless see all the other peppy moms. Maybe you just don't want to see anyone.

Partly because your tired AF from the baby ... OR maybe you don't have the baby-stage anymore but either way you still don't want to do something; Simply because you just don't want to do anything!!

You start to find yourself depending on your kids for your mental stability...or lack their of at this stage.

You have your own personal schedule and agenda and your kids start to save you!

From that girls night out or the date nights you don't really wanna go on. Even the love-making sessions that your guy plans out but somehow magically (thank god) you have to skip out on that too.

NO you cant make that PTO meeting, someone is sick. NO you cant cook dinner because you have activities to go to. "NO I'm sorry I cant today...because blah blah blah"'s the mother of all statements to save you.

Think about how many times, you have an awkward conversation...The baby or the kid interrupts and that conversation is halted like THANK YOU JESUS!!!

Your walking, your standing in the grocery don't know where to look but you can look at your kids.
You see someone you haven't seen in ages but you wish you hadn't so you distract yourself with none other then .... your kids.
You swerve into the next lane, the person comes up next to you so what do you do...You look back and talk to the kids.
Your at a party and no one is talking to you or your just being your anti-social you talk to your kid.

Then one day your alone.
The world is too big for you. You don't know what to do.

Like how do you hold your purse? or walk in a straight line? What do you look at when you walk down the street? Where do go?
What do I do with my free arms?
How do I look? Is my hair combed? Is my bra showing??

All of a sudden I am self-conscious, my nerves kick in. My heart pounds and I wanna run home. OMG WHAT AM I
I don't have them to get me out of a sticky situation. I don't have them to shield me and I don't have them to look at!!

Being a SAHM for 13 years has made me 13 years awkward. Like Ariel from the Little Mermaid trying to be "part of that world". Just never realized how much I depend on my kids even more then they depend on me!

Independence...What is that?!

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